Moving through fear
This week is off the charts for me, it has not been this way in a while. It feels as if everything is happening at once, so fast that I can hardly keep up physically. I knew that 2019 was about alignment and my Higher Self was not kidding!
What has changed this month is the rhythm of my heart. I keep getting heart flutters, they are quite different than the “typical heart opening” feelings that have become familiar over the years.
These flutters are more settled, yet they completely take my breath away. They feel soft, they are irregular and they bring such – unconditional love – that I feel like crying all the time, but the good cry… the love cry, the I am so open, the I am love.
I feel how my life is shifting. It is quite remarkable how this love seems to be the “new” lens through which I operate. Not all the time, but the amount of time I spend in that frequency increases every day.
These heart openings are interrupted by bouts of lower frequencies. My deepest programs are surfacing. They literally knock me down. Down to my knees, they seem to hijack my heart and override any love I know. They propel me back into the stories. The emotions of these programs are intense and I still can’t believe how much pain we can hold into our physical vessel without being aware of it. It feels like free falling into the darkness. The more I fall the bigger the fear.
This fear includes stories of pain: an entanglement of timelines since infancy. As the stories rise into my vision I see myself stuck in a web of frequencies: this is my matrix. It looks like a “fishnet” and it is nestled within my being.
As I move with my consciousness inside this enormous web I step into “old” timelines, I say old because from a linear point of view each story is part of my “past” but since there is no time, everywhere I go with my consciousness is the NOW. The frequency of each timeline hits me like a truck.
It feels like walking into a minefield. Yet, I am in awe of what I am still holding, of these lower frequencies that are keeping this matrix in place. My human can’t
believe what it sees, “I thought those stories had been transmuted many times over.”
And then as I direct my consciousness to the whole matrix, I see my stories blinking. My physical body begins to shake and my teeth to chatter as the energy moves through me creating a vortex, a powerful vortex of energy carrying my stories through my heart and out of me.
The release is instant. As I stand there flabbergasted, a new portal opens. I see my matrix and it is now loose inside of me. A new light is emerging within. And I understand. The programs, the stories, had so many vibratory levels. Those were easy to see and transmute.
But I could not see the two underlying frequencies at play, a common thread to all my stories. And these two frequencies: LACK and UNWORTHINESS have kept my human in the dark.
My ego has been managing these two and the closer I have come to unveil these frequencies, the greater the fear. Fear paralyzes me. Fear keeps me separate and holds the illusion in place for me.
And so as the fear rises again, I close my eyes and put my hand on my heart. I surrender and wait as my solar plexus contracts and heat rises through my being. I wait for the tsunami of fear to move through me so that I can see that which it is hiding.
And with each release, I anchor myself deeper within my heart. The flutters come back again and I watch as a new matrix anchors its frequency within me. This one is – oh but stunning – crystalline with pearlescent colors. It flickers and I get a glimpse of it as it is not yet properly anchored within.
The old matrix has to go. Completely.
And as I feel into this vibrational transformation, I know that I will repeat this process over and over again until
The complete dismantling of my ego.
Have a blessed day <3